No book is worth doing -- fiction or non-fiction -- without revealing
eccentricities. And since I'm whoring for fame, I figure I might as
well.
Cold truth, you tell me. There never seems to be a straight line in the sand between what actually did happen and what didn't. But let me start with this:
A lot of parents -- especially catholic parents tried to have children 4 years apart. So, if you had a child say in 1946, the next child would come along in 1950 and again in 1954.
So, my parents missed by 2 months having me on November 1, 1949. Also, I was born in Bound Brook, New Jersey but my older sister and two younger brothers were born in Mount Holly, NJ.
So, here's where a piece of logic starts taking on a strange twist. Why did my parents decide to have another child one and a half years after I was born. The reply was that I needed to have someone to play with.
One, I thought I already did, two the third child came 7 years after I was born and roughly 5+ years after that.
So, why the closeness between?
Well, the most obvious answer was that my older sister who had a serious anger management issue was going to be raised by my aunts and on a 100 acre farm. But let's suppose they weren't thinking that way.
The government was sponsoring hush hush programs back then. They knew the level of testosterone inside the womb could change the sex of a female to a male and another real male that could be born could be a role model for the O negative blood cross breed.
The reasons why I felt this was really the case had multiple indicators.
By the way, if you're wondering how a girl's bottom can look like a male's. You don't get pregnant -- which I can't -- and you pull in the hip bones. Since the female's hips expand during pregnancy, you can reverse the process and the issue is taken care of.
And the wide femurs, well, since I'm Pigeon toed in and so, the natural correction, made the width less obvious when I walk. I can't hide the curves when I'm laying on the floor and at 185, when I close my legs in this position I can put my hand between my legs without touching either side.
So, knowing all of this about me, why have I stayed a male?
Well. for one thing, in 1965 when the bi sex thing was confirmed, being dyslexic, I was told by the doctor that I would lose 15 years of my life. I took it literally and laugh, now, at myself because he meant I would lose 15 years of my experiences as a guy.
Two, I don't know of any men who would want a dame like me?
I love sex, don't get me wrong.
I just love, as a woman having my body painted, having muddy sex, loving bondage and allowing my partner to suffocate me. Since I not a woman, when I talk to women about these fantasies, they think I want them to do these thing and they run away.
Eliminate my fantasies of giving up control from my conversation and I'm just another shy guy with a dick looking for some action.
But it was all testosterone based. When those harmonies kicked in, I folded over or encased my femininity like a butterfly coming out of a cocoon by rewiring my brain to think and talk like a male and not a female.
I think you can pretty well figure out what has been happening to me ever since those testosterone levels have been dropping.
Never the less, here I am with 5 children and 3 grandchildren and I've learned to be a good grand father and parent.
Which brings me to two parenting issues in the next two chapters.
Cold truth, you tell me. There never seems to be a straight line in the sand between what actually did happen and what didn't. But let me start with this:
A lot of parents -- especially catholic parents tried to have children 4 years apart. So, if you had a child say in 1946, the next child would come along in 1950 and again in 1954.
So, my parents missed by 2 months having me on November 1, 1949. Also, I was born in Bound Brook, New Jersey but my older sister and two younger brothers were born in Mount Holly, NJ.
So, here's where a piece of logic starts taking on a strange twist. Why did my parents decide to have another child one and a half years after I was born. The reply was that I needed to have someone to play with.
One, I thought I already did, two the third child came 7 years after I was born and roughly 5+ years after that.
So, why the closeness between?
Well, the most obvious answer was that my older sister who had a serious anger management issue was going to be raised by my aunts and on a 100 acre farm. But let's suppose they weren't thinking that way.
The government was sponsoring hush hush programs back then. They knew the level of testosterone inside the womb could change the sex of a female to a male and another real male that could be born could be a role model for the O negative blood cross breed.
The reasons why I felt this was really the case had multiple indicators.
- I it was confirmed in 1965 that I was originally both sexes.
- I did inherit my sister's temper
- I was 100 times more sensitive to conditions and situations
- I was capable of reasoning through issues that confronted me.
- I hated boys and thought them as a stupid, uncontrollable primates
- I loved playing with the girls
- I found peace doing woman's work
- I loved being submissive
- I hate gays
- I wore a one piece nomex suit that showed off my curves and was told by my outside machinist boss that he didn't like women working for him while looking at me during one of his safety meetings.
- I blush
- And every once in a while, when I fall out of character, I admire a firm male ass.
- My mother was over protective of me being around men she thought were gay
- My mother told me I had pretty eyebrows.
- I take great comfort in having a well organized home
By the way, if you're wondering how a girl's bottom can look like a male's. You don't get pregnant -- which I can't -- and you pull in the hip bones. Since the female's hips expand during pregnancy, you can reverse the process and the issue is taken care of.
And the wide femurs, well, since I'm Pigeon toed in and so, the natural correction, made the width less obvious when I walk. I can't hide the curves when I'm laying on the floor and at 185, when I close my legs in this position I can put my hand between my legs without touching either side.
So, knowing all of this about me, why have I stayed a male?
Well. for one thing, in 1965 when the bi sex thing was confirmed, being dyslexic, I was told by the doctor that I would lose 15 years of my life. I took it literally and laugh, now, at myself because he meant I would lose 15 years of my experiences as a guy.
Two, I don't know of any men who would want a dame like me?
I love sex, don't get me wrong.
I just love, as a woman having my body painted, having muddy sex, loving bondage and allowing my partner to suffocate me. Since I not a woman, when I talk to women about these fantasies, they think I want them to do these thing and they run away.
Eliminate my fantasies of giving up control from my conversation and I'm just another shy guy with a dick looking for some action.
But it was all testosterone based. When those harmonies kicked in, I folded over or encased my femininity like a butterfly coming out of a cocoon by rewiring my brain to think and talk like a male and not a female.
I think you can pretty well figure out what has been happening to me ever since those testosterone levels have been dropping.
Never the less, here I am with 5 children and 3 grandchildren and I've learned to be a good grand father and parent.
Which brings me to two parenting issues in the next two chapters.
Comments
Post a Comment